Kanye’s Excessive Tweets

Kanye West doesn’t like his new rug. The rapper appears to be redecorating his house — buying gold-encrusted goblets, coveting 19th century artwork, and turning his home “real Kingish,” as he puts it. But the rugs are all wrong. “I specifically ordered Persian rugs with cherub imagery!!!” He wrote on Twitter on July 28. “What do I have to do to get a simple Persian rug with cherub imagery uuuuugh.”

Oh, Kanye. We’ve missed you.

Hip-hop’s most ridiculous rapper has been relatively quiet in recent months — ever since that 2009 MTV Music Video Awards outburst about Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video being better than Taylor Swift’s (which, by the way, it was) and someone on his PR team told him to shut it until the backlash died down. Well, time’s up. Kanye has a new album out in September — formerly called Good Ass Job, it’s currently without a name — and the promotional firestorm is kicking into gear. Kanye has already performed at the BET Awards and appeared at the khaki-clad offices of Facebook and Twitter. Then, on July 28, he opened a Twitter account. And here’s what we discovered: Kanye is funny. 

His blog, Kanyeuniversecity.com, has made us laugh for years, but it was sometimes hard to tell if we were laughing with Kanye or at him. The all-caps rants — such as the January 2009 post that began with the phrase, YOOOO WHY WON’T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!! and ended with the request that we all “LOOK HOW FRESH MY SUIT IS” — seemed to be accidentally hilarious. And when fans complained that he showed up two hours late for a 2008 Bonaroo performance, Kanye didn’t apologize, he blogged an obscenity-laced rant and called everyone at Bonaroo “squid brains.” Basically, Kanye seemed like a diva. But on Twitter, he’s different. He’s more sarcastic, even tongue-in-cheek. Maybe we’ve had Kanye all wrong.

According to Twitter, here are some things Kanye West has done in the past two days:

• Flown on a private jet

• Complained that the private jet he flew on was too small.

• Called himself king and then posted a photo of one of Napoleon’s thrones

• Drank wine out of a gold goblet

• Bemoaned the lack of cherubs

• Listened to the “William Tell Overture” (“Classical music is tight, yo”)

• Listened to Leonard Bernstein. (“[His] flute player is snapping write now!!! Are those Christmas bells?”)

• Put fresh flowers in his house

• Explained what it was like to date a model: “I had to learn to like small dogs and cigarettes”

• Asked for decorating advice: “Is the Versace sofa too hood? Might need to cover it in plastic!!!”

• Ordered his salmon cooked medium instead of medium well (“I didn’t want to ruin the magic”)

• Posted photos of Louis XIV’s credenza

• Asked someone to give him this horse

Close to 300,000 people are now following his Twitter account and looking at his pictures of furniture. The number of people Kanye is following? Zero.